Schmorona-virus

Hello, and welcome to my random blog about coronavirus, which roughly translates to “crown poison” (story prompt, anyone…?). If you’re not reading this from the comfort of home, you’re an asshole, and if you’re sick of your home, that sucks, because you’re stuck there for awhile.

I, myself, have been navigating the tricky waters of working from home while trying to prevent my older son’s brain from rotting. His school has provided resources on-line, including something called Lexia Core5, which is designed to help the kids learn to read and gain literacy skills. But secretly, Lexia appears to just be another roadblock on the road of learning, and, like, not allowing large companies to obtain and retain monopolies. For those who, like me, purchased Galaxy tablets for their kid to use instead of an overpriced tablet named after a fruit, you are out of luck if your kid is supposed to use Lexia Core 5, since the Company has released an updated version of the app in 2019 that is only available for iPads. So nice of this educational cog to try to force schools and parents to keep Apple in business even though the company has a history of purposefully slowing down its speed to try to get people to buy the latest version, as well as current lawsuits about artificially keeping the resale market high. Lexia, as a company, I now strongly disapprove of you and hope you, your developers, and especially your CEO eat a big bag of sweaty ol’ balls, because you suck so hard if you had a single penis or related paraphernalia in your mouth, you would pull it off of the unfortunate man trying to be pleasured.

In between worksheets, tablet-learning, and very chaotic, shout-laden, dubiously productive classroom meetings held via Zoom, my kid has been playing video games, and watching movies. Grandma got us a subscription to Disney+, which convinces me that Disney will win the streaming race, because who doesn’t love Disney? It has the classic Disney princess movies, some Kurt Russell as Dexter the college kid movies, and all of those slightly awful original movies, including the weird ones that you completely forgot about that now begs you to turn it into a drinking game. Speaking of Disney – if you haven’t heard about Vanessa Hudgens, she didn’t check-in with her agent before posting an Instagram live where she basically laughs because people are going to die of coronavirus, unlike her, since she’s, you know, young and rich and shit. This weirdly inappropriate session was likely inspired as a reaction to the possibility that quarantine could last through July or August and cancel Coachella, and was followed up by a bullshit apology (I love when people claim their words got “taken out of context,” which is almost never true), presumably so people can feel okay about liking High School Musical or something.

But not everyone is a terrible person (just most people), as has been proven by Mo Willems’ delightful lunch doodle sessions, and “Frozen” actor Josh Gad, who is reading stories on Twitter every night to help soothe those bundles of unused energy to sleep.

What about you guys – any fun/crazy stories to share? Or resources to help us through our isolation?

2 thoughts on “Schmorona-virus

  1. Hm, no crazy stories, but I noticed that with everyone home, I’m seeing much more of my neighbors. Okay, from 30 feet away as we chat loudly, me on the street with my dog and them in their yard with garden trowels or pruning shears, but still, it’s been nice.:-)

    Good luck with the temporary home schooling. Sounds like your son is young enough that he and his classmates will catch up on any missed work next year by virtue of rapidly knowledge-sucking brains they all have at that age.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It is nice and kind of funny that the virus is bringing neighborhoods together. I like that something positive is coming from this situation, though – thank you for sharing!

      Yep, he’s in first grade, so I think he and his classmates will be okay. I’m a big proponent that you need to use your brain every day or you lose knowledge/ability, so I’m probably being more aggressive than necessary trying to keep his mind engaged. You know – being one of “those” moms. Comes from a good intention, but I probably should chillax a little bit, which would likely be more effective!

      Thanks for stopping by my blog; I hope you stay healthy and safe & keep speaking to your neighbors, albeit at a distance!

      Like

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